It’s a bit hard to put in words what 2010 meant for me. It’s was a year to remember, that’s for sure. Sometimes cause the beautiful moments, the smiles, the laughs, and others, cause the pain and the tears. I guess the problem was, mainly, the higher expectations I did have regarding family, friends, love, job, Placebo, etc.
But even when the saddest moments I carry on in my pocket now, I cannot complain. 2010 showed me the meaning of perseverance (being a groupie isn’t easy I gotta tell you… kidding!), but also showed me the meaning of respect, admiration and profound love.
If I have to do a balance, I would rather say it was in fact a good year. Let me tell you why.
- Yes, my heart was broken on more time, but from the other hand, I was able to open myself to love again and faced that, I can love and be loved in return. Love comes in many packages.
- Yes, I lost some friends but, on the other side, I did learn a lot from them and from such process. I did learn friendship is one thing you gotta work in daily basis, openly, confidently and without either mask or boundaries.
- Yes, I lost people I deeply cared about, but in the other hand, I took the shiny moments they gave me in life and got them inked in my soul. They will stay with you as long as you remember. Memories can be such a beautiful thing.
- Yes, I my world almost falls apart for what it comes to my job, but on the other side, I did learn I got the disposition to face any obstacle, any calamity. I'm capable. I have the power.
- Yes, I got worst for what it comes to my personal situation, but in the other hand I was able to finally come clean not just with my friends but with myself. About this last thing, I gotta thank to my friends, cause they have been my strength, my stone column, my spine.
- Yes, I judged people because of the appearances, because of the cover, but in the other hand, I did learn that appearances are just that: imaginary beliefs regarding someone. And I'm thankful cause life gave the chance to amend my actions and do it right, changing my whole perception and being humble enough to say I'm sorry.
- Yes, I behaved like a complete and total fantard. I skip the rules against stalking famous people. I slept outside a hotel waiting for certain band’s frontman to appear, but for the other hand, I got the guts (in my case the ovaries) to do what I wanted to do, to experience, to fear, to get excited. In the process I met such a beautiful and valuable people. And finally, once the result of my deeply effort was there, in front of me, I did change. I realized the difference between an unhealthy love and admiration and respect for the person who has giving you so much without even know it. For every single gesture, intentional or not, thank you Placebo, thank you Brian Molko. It was a real honour to meet you.
- Yes, I did realize that my nickname former nickname Molko’s Princess is well known all over the world. That made me kinda happy but, in the other hand, I did accept -finally- that I should be more careful when it comes to share personal information on the web.
- Yes, I did get bullied cause what I really am and cause my passion for Placebo, but in the other hand I did learn that all those people don’t know me for real or care for real; that sadly, they don’t have that spark I do have and it’s called passion to the 34534805687057 potency. It doesn't matter what people think and/or say about you, because in the end, you’re the only one who can actually be judge of your actions or omission, as crazy as they may be.
- Yes, I did lean that there are no boundaries at all when it comes to real friendship. I did learn that despite distance, friendship can survive. It is a hard work though, but it’s completely worth it. I realized that I can trust again and be trusted as well.
- I did learn that life is a step by step thingy. There’s nothing planned, nothing prepared, it’s all about to let yourself to be surprised by the Universe’s greatness and mainly, to let yourself to embrace all those moments, no matter if they’re not what you expected in the beginning, cause in the end, life is all about experiences of any kind. So, if you cried, laughed, screamed, during 2010, feel lucky.
- I did learn that I can live with a cat (I love Penny) even when I'm allergic to them.
- I did realize that Jared Leto is one of the hottest men on Earth and that he isn't an average 39 years old man.
- I did learn that you can find a friend when you less expected. People can surprise you in a good way too.
- I did learn that beer isn't always beer. Not at least in a Corona Festival concert.
- I did learn that awesomeness comes in tiny packages my friends (a.k.a. Brian Molko). And I sadly also figured out that this rule doesn't apply to sex.
- I did realize that Mr. Stefan Olsdal is way too tall. He’s a goddess.
- I did learn that life is unexpected and that’s better not to build great expectations regarding certain things but that doesn’t mean you have to stop dreaming, no way. It’s very true when our beloved Placebo used to sing “Don’t give up on the dream, don’t give up on the wanting” because, let me tell you something my friends, dreams actually come true.
- I did realize that despite my darkest moments, I want to live. Live fully, plenty, fearless. I want to be the captain of my own life.
- I did learn that I have a tendency to fall in love with bad-ass guys -such as Damon from The Vampire Diaries, Bill and Eric from True Blood, Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Sylar from Heroes, Dexter from Dexter, amongst others-, but that's fair with it comes to fiction, when it comes to TV Shows. In real life, I want to fall in love with a man who embraces me as I am and who loves every single inch of my body, mind and soul and, mainly, who respects me as the Drama Queen I was born.
- Oh yes! I did learn that I'm a real Drama Queen and that it’s very probable I'm gonna die this way. Love me or hate me.
- I did learn that I can be strong. I'm kinda proud of myself. I'm proud of my behaviour regarding my last failure in love. I used to be that fool girl with never-ending questions: “Why are you doing this to me? Why don’t you love me? Why did you cheat on me? Why are you such an asshole with me?” Not anymore. I recovered my integrity and my dignity sooner enough to avoid such pity replayed picture of myself. Sometimes, there are people who don’t deserve your smile.
- And my friends, I did realized that even when it can be difficult sometimes, life is about to fight. Fight for your dreams. Fight for your inner beliefs. Fight for your most caring desires. Fight four your freedom. Fight to have your say. Fight to be the way YOU are despite thirds’ opinions. Fight for your friends. Fight for your family. Fight for a better job. Fight for your health. Fight for joy and happiness cause they really exist. Fight.
So, as you all can see, 2010 wasn't that bad. The richest experiences that not only me but also each and all of you were able to live on 2010 make you all the persons I love to have in my life from one way or another.
A few hours ago I couldn’t stop thinking “Please, let 2010 die once for all”. At this moment, I pray for me to replay the goodness 2010 gave me and to embrace those things that I considered not as good as I wished.
Reborn from pain, cause pain makes us real, makes us human beings. Face it, embrace it and get over it. It’s a process we all must to learn; we all must to learn how to complete each stage and complete the process successfully. There’s no need to get stuck in the middle.
Remember what you were when you started 2010 and what you are now. Defy yourselves. Challenge yourselves. Live your life without any kind of boundaries, not social, not personal. Remember that you only live one (at least this present life). You and me, can be happy. We can. It’s true that happiness is not a constant state in life but that it’s made of tiny moments. Well, it’s also true that I want to fulfill my life of those small moments, no matter how tiny they are.
I do believe 2011 is gonna be AWESOME but I also realize it’s my job to make it that way. So, I’ll keep my crazy dreams and my most fervent desires in my pocket, always with me, and will live for them to come true. I strongly encourage you to do the same. You’re not gonna regret it, I promise.
Surprise me life! I know you already did it with 2009 and 2010, but enough is never enough!
Surprise me 2011!