And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

I don't know why to think anymore... It seems that I don't recognize myself anymore... Am I suffering for something worthy? Am I suffering for real?

The thing is that it has been a long time since I cried like how I'm doing now... Wondering so many possibilities... Asking myself so fucking many questions... Doubting about everything... Suffering every single doubt... Depressed... Agnostic, Absent...

What the hell happened that everything changed 180°?

What the hell happened that seems I am not useful anymore?

Why "God" or "Karma" is beating me so hard?

I can't remember the line I crossed... I can't remember when, where, why... I can't remember the instant when I leave my selfsteem behind me, buried 6 feet under...

Why you cannot understand me? Why you cannot see that I was just afraid to fall in love with you? Why you can make an effort...?

Are you enjoying this? Are you? Is that you don't remember what is suffering like this? Is that you don't remember you told me you´ll never hurt me? Why are you doing this to me? Why the lies? Why the hiding? Is that I don't deserve a little respect?

Why I can't respect myself enough to stop you... to stop this silly behavior?

I've made so many mistakes during our "relationship" but so you too... Why then? Is that you aren't in love anymore? Were you in love with me in some moment or it was just a game?

Why did you take me outside to my bubble? I was happy, you know? It doesn't matter if other people used to think otherwise... I was happy! I felt recovered from my past, from my bad and nasty past choices... my actions... my decisions... Why then? Why?

And now you're behaving like I didn't deserve at least one chance to be heard...

Why the fuck am I doing with myself?


Popular Posts