I've been wasting all my time
With the devil in the details
I got no energy to fight

I'm so fucking tired of being trying without, at least, a sign of interest. It is always about excuses... stupid excuses... and the only tangible result, the one that hurts the most, is that I feel just like at the beginning... completely alone, totally lost.

Last Sunday I said myself "Come on Barbs, you can try! You can do your best to recover your lost soul and show it to the all world... You can try!" and today, I feel stupid because that silly thought... I feel that no matter how much I try, how much effort I put to solve certain issues, I always obtain the same old same result: NOTHING.

I thought I was fighting for a good cause, for a worthy one, but it seems that, like always, I was wrong... I thought that maybe, just maybe, "he" could be right, you know? that maybe I was so into my own personal world that I was restricting myself for really enjoy life and most of all, enjoy my reality, whatever it was...

Well... I thought, for a second, that I was wrong... that maybe I was in denial... but again... after a week of trying... after 7 days of moderating my behavior... after all this time, I still remain the same... lonely and empty... plus the fact that I was trying to change something very personal, something called soul, that is irreplaceable... I was trying to commit suicide somehow, denying the real "me".

It seems I'm condemned to be a broken soul... without any possible solution... any cure... Maybe I've to start to find resignation... to accept who I am and where I go... alone... like always... because that's the way I came to this world and that's definitely the way I will walk since now and until the day of my death.

"I've been wasting all my time with the devil in the details... Looks like the devil's here to stay"

I'm so fucking tired of fighting for nothing... I'm sick of myself, because I knew the consequences since the very beginning... And here I am, suffering for something that I could avoid but that I decided to take... Well... I really don't see the fucking point in trying anymore...



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